Tickets for the don't-pick-me crowd

Please don't pick me.

DontPikMe ranks concerts, theatre, comedy, cabaret, and immersive shows by how likely they are to summon you from row three, hand you a microphone, or make your nice night out everyone else's business.

Find my hiding place Read the panic scale

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Don't-pick-me shortlist

The safest way to book a show

Low risk means assigned seats, no crowd work, and no host scanning the room like they need a civilian sacrifice.

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Panic scale

Know the danger before someone says "you there"

We look for signs that a show is scripted, interactive, host-led, seat-sensitive, or volunteer-heavy. It is not a guarantee, but it is better than learning the host has a microphone and your face has betrayed you.

DontPikMe field notes

Reading for people rehearsing "no thanks"

Short guides for choosing shows, cities, and seats where the performers stay employed and your nervous system stays mostly indoors.

Start here Spotlight survival guides

How DontPikMe thinks about crowd work, roaming performers, and other ways a fun night becomes a team-building exercise.

Comedy Find comedy that won't harvest your personality

Spot the rooms where the jokes stay on stage and the front row handles its own poor decisions.